As any fule no, The Battle of Hastings was held not at Hastings but at nearby Battle—cf. Groucho (as Rufus T. Firefly) in Duck soup:

Ambassador: “I am willing to do anything to prevent this war.”
Rufus T. Firefly: “It’s too late. I’ve already paid a month’s rent on the battlefield.”

To modern ears The Battle of Battle sounds rather cool, but You Know Those Mediaevals, they were looking for something more catchy.

Anyway, here’s the purpose of this fatuous preamble:

A friend of mine stopped off at a general store just outside Battle to buy some provisions. The bill came to £10.66.


On the shelves of another village store, I noticed not price-tags but jokes. I still use

What’s yellow, got 22 legs, and goes “crunch crunch”?
A Chinese football team, eating crisps.

This almost gets us to the classic joke of the Li family—after the final credits of my film, not to be missed!

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