Expanding our airline theme, here’s another classic, and apparently true, story handed down in the orchestral world:

On a long-haul flight, as the stewards (again, historical authenticity suggests that we use the term Trolley Dollies—in the teeth of PC, with which, I must reiterate, I entirely concur) the captain makes the usual suave and tedious announcement. He then turns to his co-pilot, and—fatally—fails to realize that he hasn’t turned the tannoy off.

So the entire plane hears the captain’s next comment:

Know what I could really do with right now? A cup of coffee and a blowjob.

One of the, um, Trolley Dollies, realising the captain’s mistake, interrupts her serving of the drinks and hastily rushes back to the cockpit to alert him that he needs to switch the tannoy off. As she sashays down the aisle, one of the passengers calls out after her,

Don’t forget the coffee!