In an inexplicable recent aberration at the supermarket I inadvertently bought slimline tonic. Turns out, all things considered, it’s really not too bad, as long as you leave hardly any room for it by first filling the glass up with gin. That will have to pass for a culinary tip.
Talking of health-food options, * that reminds me:
In the Good Old Days, in search of sustenance before recording sessions for John Eliot Gardiner I sometimes used to go to a caff for breakfast with the principal oboist, who was not exactly an elfin waif. He would cheerfully order 2 sausages, 2 bacon, black pudding, 2 fried eggs, fried bread, hash browns, beans, grilled tomatoes and mushrooms, with side-orders of double buttered toast and a large bowl of chips. Then he’d look at the waitress (sic) and go,
“And a diet Coke, please.”
* Cf. the reported exchange in an Argentinian steakhouse:
Diner (ingratiatingly): “Do you have a vegetarian option?”
Waiter (suavely): “Yes Sir, we do indeed—you can FUCK OFF!”
The Molvania series is also full of fine dining tips (“Molvanians love eating out—preferably in France or Germany”).