Just when you think this “government” can’t get any worse…
Memo for Tory politicians
What I can tell you is this…
is hereby banned in perpetuity.
FFS—we don’t want you to tell us what you can tell us, which is mendacious bullshit—we want you to tell us what you can’t tell us, which is the truth.
The only thing to be said for the phrase is that it alerts the audience to the fact that a shamelessly cynical evasion is coming up. It’s a figleaf that should be wrenched forthwith from the likes of Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Letterbox Johnson, ventriloquised by his eminence grise Dominic “I’ve got the negatives” Cummings (see also this from the splendid John Crace, and now Barnard Castle Gate); Tree-Frog (he who praises the “common sense” of said Cummings having deplored that of the inhabitants of Grenfell Tower), and Priti “I’m sorry if people feel that there have been failings—”I’ll be very very clear about that [I’m a heartless cynical monster]” Patel—here’s the brilliant Meggie Foster:
“With the greatest of respect”, “what I can tell you is this”: they’re a bunch of evil hypocrites. In a comment that evokes the dénouement of Cunk and other humans on 2019, David Baddiel tweets:
And talking of infantile politicians:
See also Some recent headlines.