Tory leadership contest
In a bold gambit, Jacob Tree-Frog (aka The Haunted Pencil / Minister for the 18th Century)* has thrown his top-hat into the ring with the yet-unverified claim (delivered in impeccable Latin) that Nanny once gave him a mug of Ribena to snort at a party.
But Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Letterbox Cake Bumboys Vampires Haircut Inconclusive-Cocaine-Event Wall-Spaffer Spunk-Burster Fuck-Business Fuck-The-Families Get-Off-My-Fucking-Laptop Turds Johnson still holds an unassailable lead in the Extra-Curricular Bonking stakes.
Comment from @NicholasPegg:
I see Homebase has launched a build-your-own Jacob Rees-Mogg kit.
* Here’s a glowing endorsement from Rachel Parris:
For more from Rachel Parris, see here.