*BREAKING NEWS*
Tory leadership contest

In a bold gambit, Jacob Tree-Frog (aka The Haunted Pencil / Minister for the 18th Century)* has thrown his top-hat into the ring with the yet-unverified claim (delivered in impeccable Latin) that Nanny once gave him a mug of Ribena to snort at a party.

But Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Letterbox Cake Bumboys Inconclusive-Cocaine-Event Wall-Spaffer Fuck-Business Turds Johnson still holds an unassailable lead in the Extra-Curricular Bonking stakes.

For more on the Tree-Frog, click here, and for bonking in Chinese, here. See also headlines tag, and for Breaking News from the global art market, here.

Comment from @NicholasPegg:

I see Homebase has launched a build-your-own Jacob Rees-Mogg kit.

* Here’s a glowing endorsement from Rachel Parris:

For more from Rachel Parris, see here.

And here’s another sketch of the éminence grise:

See also my roundup of posts on Tory iniquity.