Like almost everything else (see e.g. note here), I hardly appreciated the genius of Tommy Cooper at the time. I didn’t quite get the crap magic, all the props… I guess for many of my generation, long before the Alternative scene, standups were rather eclipsed by Monty Python, even when they were subverting the light entertainment format.

I went to Blackpool on holiday and knocked at the first boarding house that I came to. A women stuck her head out of an upstairs window and said
“What do you want?”
“I’d like to stay here.”
“OK. Stay there.”

I might link that one to the true touring story of the wake-up call.

I went to the doctor. He said “You’ve got a very serious illness.”
I said “I want a second opinion.”
He said “All right, you’re ugly as well.”

I love this one, though (or perhaps because) it may require a certain,um, historically-aware insider’s cultural knowledge:

A policeman stopped me the other night. He taps on the window of the car and says:
“Would you blow into this bag please Sir.”
I said: “What for, Officer?”
He says: “My chips are too hot.”

This is often attributed to him:

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

but it may be a version of his

“Didn’t see you at camouflage training yesterday, Private.”
“Thankyou, Sir.”

which indeed is the response at the Chinese restaurant to “Waiter, this chicken is rubbery.”

And then there’s

So I went to the dentist.
He said “Say Aaah.”
I said “Why?”
He said “My dog’s died.'”

which reminds me of one that I heard Lee Mack do (cf. here, and here):

“What’s wrong?”
“My dog just died.”
“Aww, I’m sorry—never mind, I’ll get you another one.”
“Don’t be ridiculous—what am I going to do with two dead dogs?”

Jokes like these depend largely on delivery, on persona. No-one is so deadpan as Steven Wright—not so much standup, more internal monologue. Academic lecturers could learn a thing or two from these guys. And for Ken Dodd, regional ethnography, and Xi Jinping, see here.